Everything I have learned about life in the past months has been through students; Through the opportunity to teach and learn from engaging and watching the kids at both elementary schools. OAS and Brandon has brought me more life than I expected, and what I have now is larger than a reality..
I learned how sitting with a lonely student at lunch can change his environment and friends the next day— to see new friends and classmates surrounding him, just because I sat with him and he had the confidence to talk more. I learned that sometimes it’s okay to have your shoes untied, if that meant I got to tie her shoe and receive a hug. How talking to your best friend excessively during class could cost you a sit-in lunch alone with the teacher and sacrificing recess, but it meant more to you because you got to share something about life and home that your parents might not care about. How unknowingly destructive a home could be, but once you sit in a classroom, you’re surrounded by new faces, new cares, new life. Or maybe it’s how stupid a math problem could be.. But when given attention and genuine one-on-one help, it was probably because no one taught him the subject. And to see how excited he got from solving five more problems perfectly. I learned that the happiest girl could come from a foster home. And that sometimes it’s better to forget your snack during break time to share a snack with your teacher—just because it was in those moments that you learned someone cared and loved you. Maybe I learned to love these students when I saw a kid throw an eraser across the room, yet it created a new buddy during detention. It’s better to be patient than rush through a lesson, because if it was hard, it was worth the smile when you accomplished something so difficult, so simply afterwards.
I learned that life is best when you never stop learning, when no two days are the same, and you feel proud of what you do.. Whether that be challenging kids or simply appreciating the kind, and kooky, things they do.
“All I wanted was to live a life where I could be me, and be okay with that. I had no need for material possessions, money or even close friends with me on my journey. I never understood people very well anyway, and they never seemed to understand me very well either. All I wanted was my art and the chance to be the creator of my own world, my own reality. I wanted the open road and new beginnings every day.”
And this is the best feeling..
“All the time in the world—his life and hers. But for an instant as he kissed her he knew that though he search through eternity he could never recapture those lost April hours. He might press her close now till the muscles knotted on his arms—she was something desirable and rare that he had fought for and made his own—but never again an intangible whisper in the dusk, or on the breeze of night… .
Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.”
Francis Scott Fitzgerald.
We are significant, and we stand as large as the universe. We are made from the energy of the stars; Unseen atoms dancing aloft with fate. Infinite as the ocean, and steady as the tides that pull us closer to a deserted sanctuary of uncounted shores. It is a great desert, and I don’t miss the city much. It’s not important, not vast and wide enough as the cosmos span across uncompressed astronomic skies. I’m actual; Connected to the stars and its’ light. Safe and harbored from fear, for fear lies in vacant material. The universe is within us, a part of us. We carry the universe as we trek through our lives and exert ourselves into the world. We are the elements, diverse and able to mend. The most astounding fact is our origin and traces; it is realizing the capacity of the world through a personal voyage of space. Eternal matter that makes the universe is us, thus, we are empowered by life. We are alive.
Fear is losing someone to trials of the past; Emphasis on ‘past’. Fear is knowing you won’t make it to my future. Fear is unfortunate and it intoxicates me with infatuation. You can’t let insecurities poison the fortitude of a confident new love, and that’s where it falls off track. Runaway, run far away from the fears that tear the fibers of our world. Tissues that hold our uninverse together, but I want you and I want to get to know you. I want to feel your deepest fears in the darkest and quietest corners of unlimited space. Yet, as the sun sets and rises with the dawn of a new day, we can only remember..
Oh that I had, the wings of a dove, to now rest on me.
Sometimes the best part of ‘falling in love’ is realizing you’re already in love..
Creation; a phenomenon all its’ own. You create emotions, you create reactions. Control is a learned coping mechanism and a mental strength. Why fall when you can create a rise? Maybe if we all traveled enough, ate well enough, loved enough.. Then, the attainment of pivotal happiness may be reached. Spiritual happiness, the kind that graves inside of us and alters the simple system is the sweetest kill. Creating happiness is momentary, but the one we build and the one we slave for is the compromise between who we are and what we are to become. A sacrificial spirit asking us to die and rid of the negativity that has barred us from painted deserts. We may not know where we go, but we know it is decorated with celebrations of life, happiness, and the pursuit of vengeance towards a world pressing us against the grain of hopelessness. Remember that no happiness mirrors another’s.. You paint your own desolate, dry, solitary desert. And, that’s the best part..”You realize the eternal within yourself”. Go with it alone to find what demands your happiness and craves your spirit, whether it be material, religion, or anything to be taken of our forsaken given world..